What is “deserved”?
There have been a lot of thoughts in my head lately about discomfort. Some are negative: being vulnerable is hard! Some are positive: discomfort means growth! Usually, this discomfort comes from some action, some risk that has been taken. However, I have discovered a phrase, a few simple words, that cause me to squirm more than anything else…“You deserve it!”
Excuse me? How do I deserve this? What did I do to deserve this?
I have a limiting belief that to deserve something means you have to have earned it in some way. But, what if it wasn’t tied to meritocracy? What if there are some things that everyone deserves just by being human? What if, whoever is telling me I deserve something, is actually telling me they care about me and likes seeing good things happen to me?
It takes some getting used to. Practice becomes imperative when you’re changing a belief/mindset that has been ingrained in your brain for years.
I am in the middle of my journey with deservedness. The first step was becoming aware of the pattern. Check. The second step was sitting with the discomfort. In my case, this meant responding with “thank you” when someone excitedly told me I deserved something positive (this was harder than it sounds). The step I am, currently, working on is working through the discomfort. Part of that work is me writing this post; understanding the tie the word has to action. Part of that is asking myself “what is the function of this discomfort?” Maybe I am protecting myself by downplaying how excited I actually am about what’s going on in my life. Maybe I’m attempting to appear humble when, in reality, I actually do believe I deserve what’s happening to me. Maybe I’m feeling guilty about something else that has nothing to do with the thing I supposedly deserve. Whatever the answer ends up being, the process helps me understand myself better and how to move forward.
That’s the thing about self-reflection and, to some extent, change. Challenging your beliefs or feelings leads to one of two outcomes:
1. You learn and change and your life is better for it. There’s a quote from Glennon Doyle’s book Untamed regarding this thought: “We must decide that if the truth inside us can burn a belief, a family structure, a business, a religion, an industry – it should have become ashes yesterday.”
2. Your belief becomes stronger and your life is better for it. Beliefs give us purpose and structure in our lives. If you believe in something, even knowing the facts against it, it’s worth that much more to hold onto.
To me, the discomfort “you deserve this brings” is just an example of personal development. These life-changing thoughts are what wake me up in the morning. The idea of being the best version of myself, and constantly pushing the bar higher for who that is, is what drives my actions and decisions. That growth leads to intentionality leads to a life I can be proud to live. What drives you?
